


the world turned blue

by Laeana



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and Feels, Character Death, Color Signification, Developing Relationship, Falling In Love, First Meetings, Friends to Lovers, Getting to Know Each Other, Graphic Depictions of Illness, Grief/Mourning, Hurt No Comfort, Idiots in Love, Illness, Insecurity, Living Together, Love Confessions, M/M, Slice of Life, Talking, World Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-14 11:35:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29295267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laeana/pseuds/Laeana
Summary: A slow and short story about how two souls find each other and how they stay by each other's side even during difficult times.
Relationships: Daniel Ricciardo/Max Verstappen
Comments: 10
Kudos: 30





	1. RED - Passion, Aggressive, Suspense

**Author's Note:**

> "Buzzcut Season" by Lorde is my recommandation for this fic, and what accompanied me during most of the writing.

Their meeting is trivial. Max would almost call it a cliché if there weren't so much more. Sometimes the simplest things are what seemingly matter the most.

Daniel isn't supposed to be in his university, he's doing a favor to a former professor. Max falls on him by chance and remains frozen for a moment. The collision is violent enough to send him to the ground. The older man holds out his hand to help him up. He smiles.

Then Daniel presents himself in the wake, asking him to take him to an office, pointing out that the establishment has changed over time. He accepts with a small laugh, he is never against accompanying such a pleasant stranger and above all, especially who seems to want to take his mind off things.

After all, he has just come out of a rather intense week of exams. He wonders if it shows on his face. The distress, the despair and the violent relaxation of his muscles which were challenged for two weeks.

Daniel thanks him with a hug. He wonders for a moment whether or not to wait for him before changing his mind. He shouldn't have so much hope and he probably won't meet him again in his life.

What a pity.

But then Max crosses paths with him again. In the cafe near the university, as he orders a drink with a little too much caffeine in it to keep himself awake, someone calls out from behind with such joy.

They end up sitting at the same table. His computer looks at him from his bag, almost guilty, but he can't help but fall for the Australian, he is told, a little too easily.

Daniel puts a hand on his and tells him how happy he is to find him, to see him again, as he thought he missed his chance last time. He doesn't dare say that his feelings are terribly equivocal.

Then there is the generic  _ tell me about yourself  _ who arrives. It seems they are just as curious as each other. In the middle of a detailed explanation of his course, he stops, thinking to disturb his interlocutor but this one looks at him attentively, a glint of interest in his eyes.

He feels important. It's new.

Daniel makes jokes, a lot of jokes. Max is usually embarrassed, not always comfortable with others, but it's magical how the other seems to succeed where everyone else has failed. What has been criticized so often is not a problem here, for once.

The end is coming a little too quickly for his liking, he has things to do and the reverse must be true as well. He is about to get up and get his things when the Australian holds him by the wrist, an amused smile on the edge of his lips.

Handing him his phone, so they can meet again this time. So that they forge a real relationship. 

He accepts maybe a little too quickly.


	2. ORANGE - Freedom, Success, Creativity

Between them, feelings ignite a little too quickly. It's almost natural. A desire, a need that appears. But it's also as if they are both afraid of losing this fire that keeps going between them. There is so, so much to lose and the prospect of what to gain is distant.

Max falls in love with Daniel so easily. He doesn't plan to go to confess, he doesn't plan to declare his love because it would be so risky and so dangerous.

For him, there is no way the Australian could love him in any way other than friendship.

He wants to stay rational, he wants to stay sane. If he begins to delude himself, he knows that this will be the end of it. He knows it's all up to him and he's not ready to spoil the best thing that ever happened to him in his life. He is not ready to lose him.

The reverse is reciprocal.

At university, it's so easy to get to know so many people and Daniel is still a few years older than him. They can't be together all the time and their rare encounters, because he doesn't dare ask for more, are all the more precious.

He hasn't planned anything more, he doesn't want to break his daily routine. He can be content with what he wants, even if he would like more. 

Another of their evening together and he blesses the weekend for giving him some free time, even just a little. He doesn't want to miss those long moments spent in the older man's apartment, on his couch, laughing in front of crappy movies or just telling each other about their days, what is new. Until they fall into a comfortable silence, never awkward, not when he is with him.

He recounts some events of the day yesterday, stopping for a moment in the middle of a laugh, when he notices that Daniel is strangely silent. But his eyes shine with envy, with a glow he's seen before.

He swallows.

The Australian steps forward and with an almost possessive gesture, puts his lips on his. Max then understands that it was jealousy. A strange feeling comes to him in his stomach. A heat. Happiness, yes. It’s happiness.

Daniel apologizes and he knows then that he must act quickly. He can't let this moment slip away, no matter what. He kisses him in turn. It's always so sweet, full of tenderness and passion that is revealed. He already loves their kisses. He thinks he has never liked kissing someone so much.

_ I love you. _

It doesn't take much more for these words to escape them and he laughs. What idiots they have been. Two lovers. Two blind to the love the other felt for him. And yet, yet he wouldn't change anything.

It's perfect. That's all he ever wanted. He drops down against Daniel with a laugh and kisses him again and again. 

He knows he won't sleep alone tonight.


	3. ROSE - Sweetness, Maturity, Joy

The mornings at Daniel's side are, Max learns, a delight. The Australian is always in a good mood and, if that sounds annoying sometimes, he definitely needs it in his everyday life. Because he's getting nervous. Very nervous.

When his studies are finished and it is his turn to enter the professional world, his first insecurities resurface. He is afraid that this will disturb everything between them, he is afraid of too much, he is afraid of everything. He doesn't want them to change, to fall apart, he doesn't want change, when they have found each other.

Then, not much. 

Daniel brings him to a fancier restaurant, their first such restaurant since the start of their relationship, and looks at him like he could take over the world if he just asked him to.

Before handing him keys that he recognizes for having borrowed them a little too often. That same sweet smile, that same brown gaze, tenderness and passion shine there as well as a certain joy. 

_Since you already live almost entirely with me … why not make it official ?_

And Daniel laughs, as if he'd pulled out a joke, but his nervousness doesn't fool him. The little restraint he has flies away and he throws himself on his boyfriend, to hug him. To kiss him. He loves him, he loves him, that's for sure.

Their routine begins. Their routine, yes. Max learns that adult life is a good thing, is a wonderful thing. It’s just amazing. There is the whole coffee machine side with colleagues and the work to do that is given to him leaves him, who would have thought, more free time than he had at university.

Their first vacation as a couple is also coming. It's different and it's crazy, so crazy, and even his best dreams weren't that good. There is … how to put it, an impatience, a naivety which belongs only to them. They forge bonds beyond everything and their love only gets better.

Daniel thirsts for adventure and takes him in his wake. They first visit Europe, for lack of time and a few resources. Often, nostalgic, his companion tells him stories of his childhood and of Australia. How beautiful the landscapes are, the exhausting heat, the sea as far as the eye can see, visible from a mountainside. 

He dreams of it then. He then dreams of going to see these lands which are not his but which mean so much to Daniel. So much more. He thinks they'll do it eventually, get going, they just need a little more time.

Each passing day seems like a new dream. He loves Daniel and Daniel loves him and that is priceless. It’s the fulfillment of all his hopes so far, of everything he would have liked to see and do. Everything he would have liked to have in his life. 

And the news arrives, violent as a slap, which comes to disrupt everything and destroy everything in its path. 

Daniel is ill.


	4. VIOLET - Repentance, Mystery, Peace

Everything sinks much faster than what Max expected and their paradise comes along with them. They always thought they would do everything together, right ?

So he finds it almost unfair that fate forces him not to be able to accompany the one he loves so much to the end. Until death do them part. Could death make an exception, for him, for them ?

He laughs, deep down, because they never had time to get married properly, caught between two promises and two trips, lost somewhere in a routine that made them face the best and the worst.

He saw a slow fall in hell but he could not look away from the scene which unfolds in front of him, he refuses to do it.

He wants to go a little way with Daniel, to go as far as this one can allow him. That life can afford them and it probably won't be a long part of the road but he will be satisfied with it. He will be content with it wholeheartedly.

He will take all he can have, on the verge of despair, he will take all he can, all he can be offered.

Everything that can be given to them, he will grab it with both hands, without ever turning away. He'll face the cruelty of fate, with tears in his eyes, if it's to endure Daniel's warm embrace just a minute, no, an extra second.

It’s pathetic.

Daniel wipes his tears with the tip of his thumb and looks at him with even more tenderness. It’s true. No one has ever looked at Max that way. As if he was the most precious thing in the world. As if nothing mattered except him.

It was him, he was the one he had been waiting for all the time. And knowing that he's going to lose him soon only makes it harder.

He knows that after that nothing will be the same. That it was a great flame, an inferno, that kindled in his chest, in him, and that once it is extinguished, he will find himself feeling cold for the rest of his life.

It's hard for him to see Daniel limited, frustrated, by his own body that let go, to see him losing it all. His lips still tremble more, with every smile he gives, but he has to smile. He must smile, have a smile on his face, when the man of his life leaves. He must return the favor to him.

After all, that's all Daniel ever was to him. A big smile and a sun. Security, happiness. Ridiculous dances in the kitchen at three in the morning, festivals of unnecessary laughter for reasons he has already forgotten.

The memories go away too quickly and time will erase what he wants to keep with him forever.

So when the end comes he has a loving smile plastered on his lips.

And until the very end, the last breath, Daniel's gaze remains on him.


	5. BLUE - Calm, Order, Change

Max brings his ashes to the sea, chokes on his own sobs.

_ i'll take you there someday, over there. the water is bluer than blue and the sky merges with the sea on the horizon. it's an area of paradise and I only want to share it with you, only you. _

He drops to the ground, overwhelmed by these too present feelings that have nowhere to go and it's too cruel. They had so much time but they ran out of time so much. They needed more time.

He cries and he cries and he cries. He's pathetic, so miserable.. The sand beneath his knees melts as the now empty urn falls beside his, a harsh reminder of a reality that is his now and forever.

He cries for all he can and feels like his grief will never go away. Forever. He feels like a child, a prisoner of his own body, sees years and years pass before his eyes, too beautiful, perfect in their imperfections.

Those smiles, those laughs, those bits of life. He wants to be able to remember every detail, every moment of everyday life that seemed so insignificant to him but which today matters so much. All that we always forget when these are the pieces that we would most like to keep by our side. 

He cries, he cries and he is so alone on this beach. Hands in the sand as he drops forward, the sea dying right in front of him, a few paces, a few yards and they used to say that they were still young and they felt on top of the world, invincible, like nothing could not happen to them-

And in fact anything can happen. And in fact humans are too fragile, it's so easy to break one. 

He is shattering into a thousand pieces. Seeking his own breath but it's so hard to breathe properly when he's no longer there to help him, to soothe him, to love him. He wants to see him again, he wants to see him so badly, he can't be gone, it can't be real.

The endless wake remains puzzlingly calm, unanswered.

So he rubs his swollen, reddened eyes and this time lets himself fall back, onto his arms, almost lying down. A dull ache in the heart and a heavy head and that buzzing sensation in the mouth. 

The sun is setting on the horizon, unfolding in pale shades. Red, pink, orange, purple, darkening blue.

Daniel always told him he liked the color of his eyes.

That it reminded him of places he had had to leave that he might never see again. That there seemed to be a thousand shades reflected there, a thousand landscapes, a thousand emotions. 

So he contemplates the asphalt. The waves crashing close to him, the clear water, reflected by the sky, which merges with it on the horizon to become one and he faces this area of paradise and-

Daniel didn’t make it that far.

**Author's Note:**

> 5 parts of 500 words each with a different color. It's a small project, I had the ending of it all prepared and I needed to fill it. I don't think this will be very happy, sorry for that :)
> 
> tumblr : laeana


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